j Agwu, a comedian/musician, has been
married to his wife, Ibiere for five years. The
marriage is blessed with a daughter, Zahra. They talk about their marriage in this
interview. You have been married for five years. How
has the journey been like? Ibiere: It has been good. How did you meet? Julius: We met at a wedding in year 2000;
she was part of the bridal train. Incidentally,
Okey Bakassi and I were the comperes at
the event, and both of us competed on who
would be the first to ask her out. I made the
first move but she was too little, she was underage. Ibiere (cuts in): I was 18, I was not
underage. Julius Agwu: Well, she was 18 but she was a
baby. I just saw one beautiful girl. I was
smarter, I was faster, and I was able to get
her contact. We became friends but she started putting
up an attitude whenever I tried reaching
her. At a point, I called her bluff and
wondered who she was. In fact, I forgot
about her. Ibiere, why did you put up an attitude? Ibiere: I was not putting up any attitude, I
just concentrated on my books, then, I was
in my first year in the university. Was your attitude as a result of his
profession as a comedian? Ibiere: The fact that he is a comedian had
nothing to do with my decision, I wasn’t just
interested. So, at what point did you change your mind
and show interest? Ibiere: After the first meeting, we lost
contact for two years; we met later and
became friends. When you met her later, what was your
reaction? Julius: I met her two years later in 2002
when I lost my father. I was very angry
because at that period, my career was just
kicking off. The day he died, I went to
Chioba, my village to settle his hospital bills. On getting there, I saw a crowd of mourners
at our gate. I was so angry that I made up
my mind to drink myself to stupor. I went to
a town in Port Harcourt to have drinks with
some friends who had come to commiserate
with me. When I left our table for the toilet, I ran into her on the corridor. She informed
me that it was the eve of her birthday and
she had come out for some drinks with her
friends. I informed her that I had just lost my
father. We moved from there to another
club and since it was her birthday, I decided
to buy drinks for everybody. After all the
money I spent at the club, they wanted to
leave. So, I asked her, “are you leaving without even giving me a kiss?” She said,
for what?’ I realised she was still putting up
an attitude and that got me very angry. This
was in addition to the fact that I was tipsy.
Again, I called her bluff. During my father’s burial, she came, but she
was still a baby because she still had her
curfew and she was not supposed to stay
out late. But I was impressed that she
made out time to visit me. At what point did it occur to you that he
might propose? Ibiere: At no point, when he proposed, I
was not actually thinking about marriage
because I had just graduated and was not
even thinking of marriage. But Julius, do you agree that part of this
attraction could be the fact that she was not
really interested? Julius: One thing about me is that I like to
have my way. I have always had my way
and she posed a challenge for me through
her lack of interest. But I did not just see a
beautiful girl, I saw someone who was
intelligent and stern. She was principled from the outset. She is actually my greatest
critic. Since he is a jovial person and makes money
out of telling jokes, are there times you
expect him to be serious about some issues
and he is not? Ibiere: He knows when I want him to be
serious and he sees it on my face. Most
times, I don’t even need to say anything, I
just look at him and he knows I mean
business. Also, I know when he is serious.
When I see his facial expression I know. His job entails a lot of publicity. How do you
deal with that especially being with him
almost at every event? Ibiere: I am always with him but I am not in
the public glare because I don’t bring myself
out there to be seen. I am always in the
background. Do you laugh at his jokes when he is on
stage? Ibiere: If it is funny I laugh, if it is not I
don’t laugh. You must really enjoy his jovial nature? Ibiere: He could be very annoying; forget all
these things he does on stage. He gets me
annoyed. At home? Ibiere: Not even at home. What does he do to annoy you? (At this point, the couple stared hard at each
other). Ibiere: What does he do to annoy me?
Hmm… I don’t want to go there. Julius: Go there now. What does she do to make you angry? Julius: She is an introvert; most times I am
the one who would ask, ‘are you okay?
What is the problem?’ She would just keep
to herself and that really gets at me. Sometimes, I would expect her to ask me
how I am faring but she never does. Though
I like the fact that she really doesn’t have
friends; but I still don’t like the way she
treats me. Before we got married she would
ask me, ‘baby, have you eaten? Try and eat something please.’ Since we got married, she has not bothered
to ask me if I have eaten! These days, I
have to beg her to ask me if I have eaten. Is this true? Ibiere: No. It is not true. When was the last time you asked him if he
had eaten? Ibiere: I asked him day before yesterday. Julius: When was the last time before the
day before yesterday? How do you settle fights? Ibiere: We fight until one of us is tired;
usually he is the one who gets tired first. Is it true? Julius: It is true. The kind of job I do is to
give laughter and joy. So, each time we
quarrel, I don’t feel comfortable, I can’t
claim to give people joy when I am not
happy. I thought I was an expert at keeping
malice. until I met her. Ibiere: You are worse than me. I might not
be happy but if I am angry, I can still talk to
him but if he is angry, he can go on and
would not even say a word to anybody. Has your bond grown stronger? Both: Yes it has. Funny enough it has. What has kept your marriage? Julius: We just decided that we would not
engage in stupid quarrels. Ibiere: Before the situation gets to the stage
of quarrelling, we speak about our feelings
instead of bottling up issues.
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